A Few of My Beliefs

We Can Choose

Life is hard, perhaps harder for some than others, but is nonetheless hard for a vast majority of us human beings. We’re born into an imperfect world and life seems to come at us in an unending series of challenges. Nevertheless, I believe that more important than what happens to us is our ability to choose. We are meant to act and not be acted upon. The facts, circumstances, and events of our lives don’t define us. Even bigger is our ability to make choices. By our choices we determine our fate and the quality and outcomes of our lives.

We Want To Succeed

The desire to succeed is as natural as eating, breathing, and sleeping. Unless seriously mentally ill, no one wakes up in the morning thinking, “Today I’m going to…see how miserable I can be,” “…do my best to alienate my teenage daughter,” “…let my anger get the best of me,” or “…blow my sales call.” We fail. Better said, we fail to achieve all our hopes and aspirations or live from our best selves, but not due to bad intent. Some of our failure is due to the nature of life—hard things happen. We win some and lose some. However, much of our failure is due to flawed beliefs and/or a lack of effective strategies. The good news is that we can learn new strategies to succeed.

We Act From Core Beliefs

…or assumptions about ourselves, other people, and life. Although we’re not always (usually) aware of our deepest assumptions, they are powerful determiners of our behavior. For example, a person who believes, “I’m a good, though imperfect person,” is going to respond differently to life than someone who believes, “I’m inadequate.” Likewise, someone who believes, “Life is what I make it,” will experience adversity differently than someone who believes, “It’s a jungle out there.” We can become aware of our core beliefs and, by changing them (a process), experience life differently, in more empowering ways.

Life Is Governed By Laws

The chemical formula for water is H20. Never will three atoms of oxygen combine with two atoms of hydrogen to form water. Its nature is unchanging. Likewise, the law of gravity is pervasive and unchanging. We are always subject to its consequences. As human beings, we are dependent upon the consistency of these laws. Similarly, I believe there are psychological laws that govern our existence. For example: Our beliefs (conscious or not) determine our reactions and behavior. The mind seeks to prove itself “right” about whatever it happens to believe. Our choices determine our destiny. The source of our experience is inside. Trust begets trust. And so on. Much like physical laws, as we understand and align to psychological laws we find greater success, fulfillment, joy, peace, love, and happiness.

Our Families Matter

Our families are the most important laboratory in which we learn about ourselves, relationships, and how to get a long in life. Our most fundamental beliefs are/were learned not only from others but through our interactions with others, particularly our parents or primary caregivers. Children who learn emotional literacy are more self-confident, better performers at school, and have healthier social relationships. They learn these skills through positive interactions with their parents. So I believe it’s very important to our development and that of our children that we learn principles and skills of healthy couple and family relationships.

We Long For Love And Connection

A baby’s physical needs may be met completely, but if she doesn’t receive large doses of touch, cuddling, smiling, eye contact, and affirming words, research shows that she’ll likely grow up to be severely mentally or emotionally handicapped. This longing for love continues throughout our lives, albeit in more disguised forms. Seeking romance is an obvious search for love. But even striving for achievement and success is at least partly motivated by knowing that we matter, that we have worth to others. I would even go so far as to assert that many of addictive and adrenalin seeking behaviors are escapes from our loneliness and lack of meaningful connection to others. Connection, attachment, and love give our lives great meaning. We have a responsibility to not only seek love but to give love to our brothers and sisters who walk this earth with us.

Some Ways Of Living Are More Enriching Than Others

People organize their lives around themes. One theme is fear and scarcity in which life is a battleground over which we don’t feel a lot of control. Another is duty and obligation in which we find safety through compliance, submission, and avoidance. Another is achievement and success in which we continually seek to have and do more, bigger, and better. Another is abundance and goodwill in which we open our hearts to the wonder of life and take full responsibility for our experience, here and now. Each of these four themes (or ways of living) function according to unique characteristics, core beliefs, and behavioral practices. The meaning of success changes as we move from one way of living to another. People who are happiest and most fulfilled live from the principles, beliefs, and practices of abundance and goodwill. These principles can be learned and incorporated into our lives.

We Know Good From Bad

To quote John Drinkwater: “We know the hemlock from the rose, the pure from stained, the noble from the base.” Our deepest nature knows what is good. (Hostility does not breed joy.) And, with some notable exceptions, our deepest nature desires what is good—joy, peace, love—even when we do and justify “wrong.” I don’t mean to sound moralistic. But I do mean to say that something deep inside most of us knows right from wrong, good from bad, whether we act upon this knowledge or not. This principle is the basis for great hope and trust in humankind. If we can learn to quiet our minds and listen, this inner nature will lead us towards fulfillment and positive relationships.

What My Customers and Students are Saying

The best thing I’ve ever done. I learned to take responsibility for myself and not be responsible for, or control others. I can’t think of anyone I know who would not benefit by taking this class. We are now encouraging all our children to enroll in the course.”

Diane Nolen

participant in Making Things Happen

This course was so enlightening and well structured. I really liked all of the examples that were given. This really helped me apply the skill correctly as well as cement it in my knowledge. It was very helpful to be able to download the PDF’s to go over again as many times as needed. I know this will take me time to make these a habit but I already see improvement as I work to apply one thing at a time

Chandee Herrera

student in Raising Responsible, Emotionally Mature Children

This was a nice blended course with both work and home-life scenarios which were much more relatable. I learned a lot taking this course as I am now in the role of facilitating communication between leaders, this course gave me another perch to view from. The baseline information was solid, and easy to digest, as well as the desired outcomes clear. Great course!

Zachary L.

student in Become a Master at Managing Conflict at Home and Work

The course was inspiring, comprehensive, interesting, enriching and practical. The videos and accompanying materials are well organized, concise and helpful. I recommend the course highly.
I took the course with my daughter and we discussed and digested the material together, and challenged one another to stick to our commitments

Sagi S.

student in Claiming Your Power to Live a Happy and Abundant Life

I can’t even begin to explain with words the incredible things I discovered. I am able to feel more love for everything and everyone around me. I see everything in a new light, with new perspective which adds peace to my soul. I feel so whole and complete, and ready to embark on my life adventure. This has been the BEST investment I’ve ever made!

Sephora Jacob

student in Life Quest Seminar

This has been very helpful. I have a very difficult staff member with a mean demeanor. She demoralizes and bullies my other members of staff. The processes explained here have been very helpful in giving me a mature and confident way to confront this lady appropriately.

Natliegh S.

student in Performance Management: Confronting Poor Performance

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