Hi and a BIG welcome to my webpage/blog site. A little bit about me.
I’m a husband to Judy, father of 3 married adult children (make that 4, including our exchange student from Ecuador whom we now claim as our own), and 15 grandchildren (7 boys and 8 girls). In addition to writing about personal development, I love spending time outdoors hiking, skiing and running, especially mountain trails.
I’m a psychologist and spent the first 10 years of my career in a clinical practice (Human Development Institute). My favorite part was creating and offering personal development seminars for the general public in several cities around the country. I eventually transitioned into full-time management consulting which I’ve now done for more than 25 years. I help companies prosper by building customer-focused, collaborative organizations in which every person is an engaged and contributing partner in the business. My business partner and I have certified over 1200 consultants from around the world to use our methodologies and impacted hundreds of businesses and hundreds of thousands of people.
But my deepest passion has always been personal and family development. In fact, if you’ve read my book, The Hero’s Choice, or followed me for very long, then you know that I teach about the journey of becoming, of finding meaning and fulfillment as well as success in life. I teach people a model of emotional growth which suggests four different ways of being–Survival (all about fear and just getting by), Security (about being safe and pleasing others), Success (about achieving and accomplishing), and Serenity (about living consciously, from choice).
Serenity is more than a quiet, meditative approach to life. In fact, as I live from this place, I’m alive, aware and fully engaged. I also get that what matters most is not “outside”–my bank account, job title, house, fame, performance (how many games/contracts I win). Not that these are not important. I climb a mountain. I build a business. I give the game my best. But the mountain, the business, the game are not just an end but the means to a higher end–the end of being fully conscious, present, and responsible for my life. The end of living from the “inside out,” in which nothing is bigger than my ability to choose my response and how I’ll live. A new way of living based on a new set of rules.
When living in Serenity, life feels meaningful, whole and complete. Rather than struggling, I find inner harmony by being present to the moment and learning to make good choices, even in difficult circumstances. Not that this is easy. But, slowly, that ability to make good, strengthening choices leads me to high self-esteem and a deep sense of confidence and well-being. I can trust myself rather than live in fear and anxiety. I trust the goodness and abundance of life. I feel more connected with the infinite. I accept responsibility for myself, not just my accomplishments, but also my reactions and inner experience. I cease to see myself as acted upon by circumstances, events, and others but recognize my own choice-making as primary in creating both my inner experience and outer reality.
I become less preoccupied with ego and appearances. Although I set goals and achieve, I also ask deeper questions related to my being. “Who am I?” What is my purpose?” “How do I want to live?” From the answers to these questions, my life takes on more meaning. I’m less frantic about my goals. I don’t demand perfection of myself but seek to do as much as possible with the talents I have been given. I learn that the inner qualities of love, joy and peace are, in the long-run, more enduring than outward successes.
My personal relationships are enjoyable and not an after-thought. I become more interested in others and want to connect with them in friendship, service and love. I let go of judgments and truly care. I want to “win” in my interactions with others, but also want them to “win.” When things go wrong, I’ll deal with them openly and without manipulation. The world feels like a good and friendly place.
This is my quest, the person I am striving to become. I know it is already in me, often deeply buried. I simply want to access it and live from it. Doing so is a deliberate choice. And the more I do so the easier it becomes and not because I’ve changed but because I’m trusting who I really am.
And I invite you to join me in this journey of becoming, of finding greater meaning and fulfillment, of living from the “outside in” rather than “inside out.”
Dr. Roger K. Allen