Life is not easy. We need not look far to find challenges and adversity. But our challenges (circumstances, and events) do not define us. What ultimately defines us and determines our success and fulfillment is our ability to make choices. You and I have the power to choose—our thoughts, attitudes, and actions in the face of the various circumstances of our lives. And by our choices we determine our destiny, the quality and outcomes of our lives.
Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.

Empowering People to Make Better Choices

A Blog by Roger K. Allen Ph.D.

young couple in love

A belief of mine is that you have to take good care of yourself to have a healthy and happy relationship. Taking good care of yourself is your job and not something you can sluff onto your partner. Of course, the beginning of a relationship feels so different. I was just scanning face book yesterday […]


I recently read an analogy about love written by Don Luis Miguel called the magical kitchen. I want to share and also expand on his analogy in my post today. It’s about opening your heart to the love inside. The Magical Kitchen Imagine that you have a magical kitchen. You have any food you want […]

men during the great depression

I’ve been thinking about my parents lately. They were part of what we commonly refer to today as the “greatest generation,” those souls born between 1901 to the late 1920s. We call them the “greatest generation” because they lived through a number of defining moments including World War I, the Spanish Flu epidemic, the great […]

Depressed man sitting near lack

Hal hated Charlie, everything about him, from his knowing sneer to his rolling swagger. When he saw him enter the restaurant with Keith, he wished fervently he could get away and considered getting up and walking out of the breakfast meeting, without a word to either of his two former partners. But then he garnered his faculties and decided to accept this reality. He would choose how to respond, and his choice would be to be cordial and cooperative. He felt a surge of strength as he realized that handling himself in a dignified manner with both these men would be a bigger personal victory than if he met with Keith alone.

positive thinking concept

If we make externals (money, status, power, popularity) our primary measures of happiness we find ourselves in a world in which we’re never satisfied. No matter how much we have, achieve, or accomplish we sense that something is missing. We are living from a scarcity mentality, always comparing our lot in life to others and forever aware of what we lack rather than appreciating the blessings and goodness of life.

choosing the right emoticons

Yesterday I fell into a state of overwhelm. I’ve had some personal/family worries going on plus a number of significant and unpredicted work projects that landed on me in the past week, which not only raised my level of anxiety but are also squeezing me to get more done in a relatively short period of time.My initial reaction was to feel immobilized, not knowing where to start or how to proceed in dealing with these challenges. It seemed like they were all not only big but of equal importance. So I spent my day shifting my attention back and forth from one task to another, in the end feeling quite unproductive and emotionally unsettled.

Living From My Higher Self

If you’ve read The Hero’s Choice, or followed me for very long, then you’re familiar with the Serenity Model, which suggests four different ways of being–Survival (all about fear and just getting by), Security (about being safe and pleasing others), Success (about achieving and accomplishing), and Serenity (about living consciously, from choice). Serenity Serenity is […]

Gandhi stood for something

I recently watched the 1982 movie “Gandhi.” What an incredible story about the power of integrity, living from ones deepest beliefs, even in the face of severe opposition and danger. In one poignant scene, early in the movie as he is just beginning to rally his fellow Indians against the tyranny of the British Government […]

How to Build Positive Relationships

In my last post I talked about the relationship between positive relationships and happiness. Unhappiness is not a mental illness caused by something mysterious going on the brain. Generally, it can be linked to what is going on in your relationships. How are you and your boss (or co-workers) getting along? To what extent do […]

runners doing hard things by running in mud

I ran a cross-country race sponsored by the US Track and Field Association a few weeks back. The weather was wet and drizzly and much of the course was a muddy mess from the rains of the past several days. Like all runners my feet were slipping and sliding. I was taking short steps and […]

Negotiating Expectations in Marriage

Expectations are the specific beliefs that you have brought into your marriage about the way things will or should be. In general, if your expectations are met then you are happy. If not, you experience disappointment and frustration. Therefore, understanding and learning to negotiate your expectations is a key factor in your marital success.

A mother shows good parenting skills as she kneels to talk to her child.

Stop over-managing and over-indulging your children and learn parenting skills to build trust, self-worth and personal responsibility.

The Hero’s Choice: Leading From the Inside Out
The Hero’s Choice: Leading from the Inside Out is a book about finding meaning and purpose. It is recognizing that the greatest challenges of life are not external but internal. The most important journey is the journey of becoming by learning to live in an emotionally mature way, from our better rather than lesser selves. And as we do so, we discover our true identities and find joy, harmony, meaning, and fulfillment in life.
The Hero’s Choice Workbook: A Toolkit to Live Your Best Live Now
The workbook is a 90 page PDF file consisting of 18 life lessons. It includes guidelines, practices, a routine, and worksheets to take your life to a new level. Feel the profound personal power, confidence and joy and know that nothing outside is bigger than what is inside, by ordering a copy of the workbook now.
Making Things Happen (Audio)
The purpose of this audio program is to help you discover the ability to live based on principles of love, trust, and abundance. You’ll gain insights into why at “key moments” you become trapped in self-defeating attitudes and behaviors. More importantly, you’ll discover the desire, awareness, and ability to make new choices that lead to a sense of power, happiness, high self-esteem and enjoyable relationships.
Raising Responsible, Emotionally Mature Children
This book will give you the know-how to respond to your challenges, whatever they may be. You’ll learn principles and skills to communicate with your children (from toddlers to teens). LDS version also available.
Parenting Skills to Raise Responsible, Mature Children (Online Course)
Roger K. Allen, PhD, has studied family relationships for many years and developed a time-tested set of tools to help parents succeed in raising responsible, emotionally mature children. Replete with examples and case studies, his time-proven course gives you concrete strategies you can immediately put into practice.
Audio Program: Parenting Skills to Raise Responsible, Mature Children
Roger K. Allen, PhD, has studied family relationships for many years and developed a time-tested set of tools to help parents succeed in raising responsible, emotionally mature children. Replete with examples and case studies, his time-proven course gives you concrete strategies you can immediately put into practice.
Performance Management: Confronting Poor Performance
Developing the confidence and ability to speak respectfully, candidly and yet firmly to poor performing people is a necessary skill for any leader, supervisor or manager and a necessary ingredient for building a great organization. The purpose of this course is to teach you how. You’ll learn a simple approach to setting and communicating your expectations for employee compliance.
Special Product Bundle
This exclusive offer includes a value of $80 of electronic downloads! Includes The Hero’s Choice: Leading from the Inside Out (PDF Version), The Hero’s Choice Workbook: A Toolkit to Live Your Best Life Now (PDF), and 12-Hour Audio Program: Making Things Happen
Own It! By Grand Key Education
The program not only has real worth and substance but is fun and engaging, something that your teens will really enjoy. Sign up or learn more by going to Use the Coupon Code: RKATEEN for a discount. You are about to discover that this 10-unit online course will be a 5 to 10-hour investment that will pay dividends for years to come.