Life is not easy. We need not look far to find challenges and adversity. But our challenges (circumstances, and events) do not define us. What ultimately defines us and determines our success and fulfillment is our ability to make choices. You and I have the power to choose—our thoughts, attitudes, and actions in the face of the various circumstances of our lives. And by our choices we determine our destiny, the quality and outcomes of our lives.
Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.

Empowering People to Make Better Choices

A Blog by Roger K. Allen Ph.D.

In early January I published an article entitled Understanding Depression. Since then, I’ve continued to think about and read the latest science about depression. I realize that I got something wrong and so wanted to publish this post to set the record straight. I said in my article is that “…depression is not a sign […]


Even when life is hard we have the power to choose our experience.


Abundance is a state of mind, even grace, that is available to you today, if you are ready to claim it.



– Excerpt from The Hero’s Choice: Living from the Inside Out This passage gives you a little insight into emotional maturity. Hal’s immediate reaction was to simply act out his negative emotions. Instead, he made a decision to respond in a more positive (emotionally mature) way. Notice how that decision resulted in a shift in […]


We all want to be happy. Few would disagree. However, the question is, what is the source of happiness? We’ve been socialized to believe it has to do with: Money Possessions Status Power Talent Beauty Achievement Recreation The “right” partner Other people doing what we want For example, we hold a belief that people who […]


Yesterday I fell into a state of overwhelm. I’ve had some personal/family worries going on plus a number of significant and unpredicted work projects that landed on me in the past week, which not only raised my level of anxiety but are also squeezing me to get more done in a relatively short period of […]



If you’ve read The Hero’s Choice, or followed me for very long, then you’re familiar with the Serenity Model, which suggests four different ways of being–Survival (all about fear and just getting by), Security (about being safe and pleasing others), Success (about achieving and accomplishing), and Serenity (about living consciously, from choice). Serenity is more […]


I recently watched the 1982 movie “Gandhi.” What an incredible story about the power of integrity, living from ones deepest beliefs, even in the face of severe opposition and danger. In one poignant scene, early in the movie as he is just beginning to rally his fellow Indians against the tyranny of the British Government […]


In my last post I talked about the relationship between positive social relationships and happiness. Unhappiness is not a mental illness caused by something mysterious going on the brain. Generally, it can be linked to what is going on in your relationships. How are you and your boss (or co-workers) getting along? How close do […]



I ran a cross-country race sponsored by the US Track and Field Association a few weeks back. The weather was wet and drizzly and much of the course was a muddy mess from the rains of the past several days. Like all runners my feet were slipping and sliding. I was taking short steps and […]


Expectations are the specific beliefs that you have brought into your marriage about the way things will or should be. In general, if your expectations are met then you are happy. If not, you experience disappointment and frustration. Therefore, understanding and learning to negotiate your expectations is a key factor in your marital success.


Stop over-managing and over-indulging your children and learn to communicate in ways that build trust, self-worth and personal responsibility.