As the holidays approach, I find myself reflecting on why this season matters so much to me. It’s not simply the decorations or traditions—although I enjoy these. It’s something quieter, deeper, more human.
The holidays invite us to pause. To breathe. To remember who and what matters most. And perhaps, most importantly, to reconnect with the people who matter in our lives—our spouses, children, extended families, and closest friends.
We live in a world that moves quickly and demands a lot. Yet for a few short weeks each year, many of us gather with people with whom we share history, and people with whom we’re creating new history. The holidays can be beautiful for precisely this reason.
And yet, as meaningful as these gatherings are, they can also bring real stress.
The Other Side of the Holidays
For many families, the holidays are a swirl of travel plans, differing personalities, old misunderstandings, overstimulation, fatigue, and the simple reality that multiple expectations collide under one roof.
We love these people, and yet we worry:
- Will everyone get along?
- Will the kids fight?
- Will politics come up?
- Will that one old hurt resurface?
- Will I disappoint someone—or someone disappoint me?
These are normal worries. Family life is wonderful and messy because people are wonderful and messy.
But with a bit of intentional thought and emotional preparation, the holidays can become not just something we “get through,” but something we enjoy more deeply.
Here are a few ideas to help you navigate the season with a greater sense of calm, connection, and joy.
Tip #1: Start With Your “Come From”
Before you walk into any gathering, pause and ask, “How do I want to show up?”
Think of it like setting a tone inside yourself. Do you want to bring warmth? Patience? Humor? Flexibility? Presence?
When you choose your “come from” ahead of time, you create a stable, grounded place from which to interact—regardless of what others bring.
You can’t choose someone else’s mood. You can choose your own. And that choice has more power than you may imagine.
Tip #2: Loosen Your Expectations
Most of us walk into the holidays carrying a backpack of shoulds:
- “My adult children should spend equal time with both sides of the family.”
- “My siblings should help more.”
- “My parents shouldn’t bring up that subject.”
- “The celebration should go perfectly.”
The problem isn’t that we have hopes and preferences. The problem is the emotional strain we place on ourselves (and on others) when we turn our hopes into obligations.
When you loosen your grip, you free yourself from unnecessary tension. You also create more space for warmth and connection, the things you actually want.
This isn’t resignation. It’s wisdom. It’s remembering that people are who they are, and that love grows more freely when we allow everyone to be themselves.
Tip #3: Release the Responsibility for Everyone’s Happiness
Many good, caring people fall into this trap.
We want everyone to have a good time, so we try to manage moods, smooth edges, fix conversations, or rescue people from their own discomfort.
But the truth is simple: Each person is responsible for their own feelings. Your job is not to keep the entire room calm and content. Your job is to anchor yourself in calmness and contentment.
Paradoxically, when you stop trying to engineer everyone’s happiness, gatherings become much lighter—and you become much more present.
Tip #4: Navigate Sensitive Topics with Thoughtfulness and Grace
The holidays sometimes bring out strong opinions, especially in today’s world. You may choose to avoid controversial topics altogether—and that’s perfectly fine. But if a sensitive subject arises:
- You can step away.
- You can change the subject.
- Or you can engage with the intention to understand rather than to persuade.
Dialogue is rooted in curiosity and respect. Argument is rooted in defensiveness and the need to win. If you choose to engage, bring:
- An open mind
- A gentle tone
- A willingness to listen
- The freedom not to agree
This is how emotional maturity—and family unity—grow over time.
Tip #5: Care for Yourself Along the Way
Holidays are full days. They require energy, generosity, and emotional bandwidth. So make space to check in with yourself:
- Do you need a short walk?
- A few minutes of quiet?
- A deeper conversation with one person instead of small talk with twenty?
- A little help, rather than carrying everything alone?
Self-awareness is an act of kindness—to yourself and to the people you love. You show up better when you’re attuned to your own needs.
Tip #6: Savor the Good Moments
The older I get, the more I realize that the heart of the holidays is found in small, easily missed moments:
A child’s laughter.
A shared story from years ago.
The smell of something wonderful cooking.
A sibling’s familiar grin.
Hands chopping vegetables side by side.
A quiet evening after the house settles down.
Savoring is a spiritual practice. It slows us down, awakens our senses, and stretches each moment a little longer. You savor by being fully present—where your feet are, with the people who are there. And it’s often in these small moments that joy sneaks up on us.
A Closing Thought
Every holiday season comes with imperfections. Someone will be late. A dish won’t turn out. A child will have a melt-down. A conversation might get uncomfortable. Feelings will occasionally get bruised.
This is normal. These are the signs of real life happening among real people.
But you have far more choice than you realize over the spirit you bring to these days.
With a little intention, a lighter grip on expectations, a willingness to let others be who they are, and a commitment to savor the good, the holidays can be a time of genuine warmth and connection.
May you find moments of peace, laughter, gratitude, and grace as you gather with the people who matter most.
