“It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.” Anthony de Mello
I think you would agree that we live in an increasingly stressful world in which the uncertainties of life never seem to let up. As if the challenges of day-to-day living were not enough, many of us are dealing with financial uncertainty (inflation, housing costs, debt), job insecurity, political/social polarization, global instability, news and information overload, and so on.
It’s a lot to worry about and adds up to mental and emotional fatigue.
Strategies to Manage Your Emotional Stress
Although few of us are in a position to alter the underlying causes of our complex social problems, there is much we can do to bring greater peace to our own hearts and minds. So, my purpose, in this article, is to offer you some strategies for soothing yourself and finding peace in a stressful world. Of course, not all of these strategies will work equally well for you, so I want to encourage you to consider them and adopt those that will make the biggest difference in your emotional wellbeing.
Recognize Your Triggers
This is about becoming conscious and aware of what triggers you real-time. We’re so often unaware. We hear, read or think about some issue but don’t recognize the impact it has on our mental and emotional state until later. The truth is that you can’t fix it until you recognize it. So, the earlier you can be aware of a trigger, the sooner you’ll be able to take steps to reduce your stress. Don’t let it build an entire day before you realize you could have been utilizing these strategies. (Oh, I should have had a V-8.)
Create Space Between Stimulus and Response
Take a pause and focus on your breathing when you feel yourself becoming heated. This simple act can give your brain a chance to switch from an impulsive, reactive state to a calm, reflective one. Just let your attention focus on your inbreaths and outbreaths for a couple of minutes. “Now I’m breathing in… Now I’m breathing out…” Or count your inbreaths and outbreaths for a few minutes. If necessary and possible, take a time out and step away from a situation, such as conversation, for at least 20 minutes to reset your nervous system.
Practice Mindfulness and Self-Awareness
Mindfulness and self-awareness are key mechanisms in managing your reactive responses. Mindfulness involves being present in the moment and observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. Self-awareness involves understanding your emotions and how they impact your behavior. By practicing mindfulness and self-awareness, you can develop a greater sense of control over your reactions. This can also help you respond more empathetically to others who may be struggling with emotional reactivity.
Connect with Your Higher Power
For many, an answer to these fraught times is to renew their trust in a higher power–Christ, Heavenly Father, Buddha, Allah and so on. Of course, it is not enough to espouse a belief in deity but requires that you engage in daily rituals or practices to connect and feel the presence of a divine being. Prayer, reading scriptures and meditation bring great peace to the hearts of so many.
Slow Down and Savor
Savoring is “generating, intensifying, or prolonging enjoyment.” So many of life’s experiences can become calming and enjoyable if you slow down and pay attention to your experience. Take a few minutes to step outside and notice something about nature. Or look at something in your immediate environment and see it deeply–the pattern in the carpet, painting on a wall, object on a nearby table. Close your eyes and listen to the sounds in your environment. Give your full attention to such daily habits as preparing a meal, eating, cleaning up or even walking to your car. Although small, these simple things make up the quality of life. By paying attention to them, you calm yourself, recenter and find peace and even pleasure in a stressful world.
Use Positive Self-Talk and Reframing Techniques
When you find yourself experiencing anxiety or reacting emotionally, it can be helpful to use positive self-talk and reframing techniques. Positive self-talk involves using affirmations and encouraging statements to counter negative thoughts and emotions. For example, if you find yourself feeling overwhelmed and anxious, you might say to yourself, “I can handle this. I’ve overcome challenges before and I can do it again.”
Reframing involves looking at a situation from a different perspective. For example, instead of thinking, “This is a disaster,” you might reframe it as, “This is a challenge, but I can find a solution.” These techniques can help you shift your mindset and, consequently, your emotions.
Be Curious and Use Active Listening
Many of our triggers are in our interactions with others who may say and do things that trigger us. Because we don’t live inside their skin, we make assumptions about their motives and behavior. When triggered, our assumptions are going to be negative and lead us to react. Instead, this is a good time to become curious and ask questions to better understand the motives and thinking of another. Our feelings so often shift as we understand their perspective and emotions.
Active listening involves giving your full attention to the person speaking and responding in a way that shows you understand and care about what they are saying. Learning these skills allows you to pause and even soften you responses. We need this skill, particularly, in today’s polarized world.
Set Boundaries and Communicate Assertively.
Setting boundaries and communicating assertively can also help find peace in a stressful world. Some people react because they feel powerless and, therefore, lash out when they sense they are up against a wall. Become aware of your needs and limits before things intensify and then be willing to communicate your needs and perspective. As you do so, you’re learning that you’re not powerless. There is much you can do to take care of your needs before a crisis develops.
Get Professional Support
If you think that your emotional reactivity is deeply rooted in past trauma or is causing significant problems, then be willing to get professional help. Techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) are highly effective in helping people build emotional regulation skills.
You Have Options
I recognize that many people are experiencing high levels of stress these days. However there is good news. You have options. Life is not bigger than you or your ability to manage as long as you recognize and act on these options. You can learn to respond rather than react to the stresses of life. By so doing, you’re learning how to bring peace into your life and relationships.
Thank you for the thoughts and perspective!