I’ve talked before about the distinction between your life and life situation.
To give you a quick metaphor, your life situation is the pond you swim in – your relationships, your environment, your job, your health, etc. But your life is how you choose to swim through it. Even if there are storms or predators or irritating water bugs, you still have the power to decide in which direction you swim, how fast, and with how much style, grace and positive thoughts.
Tips
Let me now offer you some practical tips to live your best life rather than getting trapped by difficult circumstances of your life situation.
- Make intentional choices. Don’t wait until you’re feeling the intensity of a negative life situation. While you are at peace and able to remain reason calm, you can anticipate a challenge and decide how you want to approach it.
- Act from your values. It is easy to allow your roiling emotions to determine your actions when things are difficult. Instead, step back and clarify what you really value. Make decisions from your vision and values rather than negative emotion.
- Challenge negative thinking. While you’re in the moment, pay attention to your thoughts. Are you catastrophizing? Jumping to negative conclusions? Mindreading? Over-generalizing? Catch yourself and learn to replace those negative thoughts with positive thoughts.
- Keep your perspective. Not all situations deserve a high-level of intensity. Keep your sense of humor. Step back. Few circumstances are life and death. Shift your perspective and then move forward.
- Expect to feel uncomfortable. Many life circumstances are uncomfortable and stepping out of your comfort zone can make you feel raw and unprotected. Don’t automatically interpret these feelings as an indication that you’re on the wrong track.
- Have a good support system. Surround yourself with people who understand how to live intentionally and will encourage – rather than sabotage, your efforts. Remember Dr. Randy Pausch, the computer science professor who gave his Last Lecture.
- Leverage your motivation. First, list all the rewards you stand to gain from making a good, positive choices during this circumstance. What benefits will come to you? What will be the wins for you and others? Second, think about all the negative consequences of not making a good choice. Although painful, these consequences are real and you can use them to motivate yourself to make a positive choice.
- When you’re out of the situation, take the time to reflect on how you handled yourself. Did your action reflect your life – who you are and who you want to be? Did your habitual reactions overtake you, or did you manage to act intentionally? Every moment that you succeeded in acting intentionally is a success, even though you won’t be perfect. With practice, you’ll find yourself more in your life and less overwhelmed by your life situation.
The Inevitability of Challenges
You will always be confronted with challenges. Life will never be exactly as you feel it should be. You won’t be able to control relationships, the economy, others, and random occurrences. You really only have control over one thing. The more you develop your ability to exert intentional control over your life, the more fulfilled, meaningful, and full of positive thoughts every day will be.
Although this is an easy concept to understand, it can be difficult to practice. If you’ve just been swamped by a dire circumstance, it will take you time to get your bearings. If you’ve spent a lifetime being washed in one direction and then another, you’ll have to practice. You won’t be perfect but you will get better if you can remember these tips.
