Empowering people to make strengthening choices
Many couples reach a discouraging conclusion after years of unresolved conflict: “We’ve talked about this so many times—and nothing ever changes.” When conflict becomes repetitive, it can feel pointless to keep trying. Hope fades. Conversations feel scripted. Both partners know exactly how the argument will end before it even begins. This is the nature of recurring […]
Many Conflicts Are Really About Unspoken Assumptions Many marital conflicts don’t begin with bad intentions. They begin with unspoken expectations. One partner feels disappointed. The other feels blindsided. Both feel justified. And neither is entirely sure how the gap opened in the first place. When expectations go unnamed or unexamined, they subtly shape how partners interpret […]
Recurring arguments in relationships Most couples don’t argue about what they think they’re arguing about. On the surface, the conflict might be about money, parenting, sex, chores, or time. But beneath the content of the argument is usually something more personal—and more vulnerable. When couples miss this deeper layer, conflict becomes repetitive, exhausting, and confusing. The […]
Most couples think conflict goes wrong because someone gets angry, defensive, or refuses to listen. But the bigger problem is usually that they move to solutions before creating enough safety and understanding for resolution to occur. Healthy couples resolve conflict differently. They follow a sequence, not perfectly but intentionally. And that sequence makes a huge […]
Many couples believe they have a communication problem. They say things like: “We just can’t talk without it turning into an argument.” “No matter how I say it, it comes out wrong.” “We go in circles.” On the surface, couples want to know how to stop arguing in a conversation, so communication seems like the […]
In my last post, I wrote about strategies to build meaningful relationships. I want to continue this theme today by sharing a way for you to improve your relationships by taking responsibility for the relationship in your head. Be Proactive But first I want to say that responsibility means you’re proactive. You’re not waiting for […]
I’ve written a lot of articles, in the last several months, about how to create a happy and loving marriage or relationship with your life partner. A common theme throughout has been the importance of doing things, intentionally and proactively, to foster a climate of positive rather than negative sentiment. Sure, there will always be […]
In the past, I’ve talked about the Gottman labs where couples come and stay for a weekend. Marriage researchers record all of their interactions and then play them back for them and coach them in how to improve their marriages. Well, you would think that these researchers would get a lot of boring communication. But […]
