love

Empowering people to make strengthening choices

Building Goodwill: A Crucial Relationship Skill

Building Goodwill: A Crucial Relationship Skill

I think of goodwill as an attitude which is friendly, kind, benevolent, helpful, or cooperative. Someone expressing goodwill radiates not only friendliness but openness and trust towards others as opposed to hostility and annoyance. Take just a moment to consider someone you know who comes from goodwill. Those in their presence feel seen and valued, […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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‘Tis the Season of Giving

‘Tis the Season of Giving

My mother, who passed away twenty-one years ago, has been on my mind these past several days. She loved this time of year—the decorations, the music, the meals, the shopping, the gift making and giving, the surprises and, perhaps most importantly, being with family at a special, even sacred season. For her, the holidays were […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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A Story of Gratitude

A Story of Gratitude

In my studies of gratitude, I came across a beautiful story of gratitude told by Maureen Deuterma. It offers a perspective of what matter most. Email from a Friend I received an email from a friend of mine today sharing the good news that he had been promoted to vice president in a prestigious company. […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Giving Thanks for the Whole of Life

Giving Thanks for the Whole of Life

The Thanksgiving holiday, which we’re celebrating in the US this week, has always been a favorite of mine. Not only is it less commercialized than other holidays, but it invites peaceful reflection and giving thanks for the good things in our lives. We often offer our thanks around a dinner table with family and friends. […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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How to Feel Better About Yourself

How to Feel Better About Yourself

  One of the most important decisions you will ever make in life is how you feel about yourself. Of course, we don’t usually think of this as a decision. It’s a given, just the way it is. And yet, I want to suggest it is a decision and one with far reaching consequences. How […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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The Little Things That Make a Big Difference-Caring Days

The Little Things That Make a Big Difference-Caring Days

(https://www.woodenearth.com/collections/wood-trays) In my last article I talked about how we respond to one another’s bids. Do we turn toward, away, or against? As we learn to turn towards our partners, we’re putting deposits into their love accounts. Closely related is an idea called “Caring Days” which is a way to build friendship by restoring feelings […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Do Your Turn Towards, Away, or Against Your Partner/Others

Do Your Turn Towards, Away, or Against Your Partner/Others

In the past, I’ve talked about the Gottman labs where couples come and stay for a weekend. Marriage researchers record all of their interactions and then play them back for them and coach them in how to improve their marriages.  Well, you would think that these researchers would get a lot of boring communication. But […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Strengthen Your Relationship by Nurturing Admiration

Strengthen Your Relationship by Nurturing Admiration

In recent weeks I’ve been talking about ways to develop friendship so that positive feelings override the inevitable ups and downs of your marital relationship. In this article I want to move on to another strategy—that of strengthening your relationship by nurturing admiration. The reason this is so important is that a happy marriage is […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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