love

Empowering people to make strengthening choices

How to Feel Better About Yourself

How to Feel Better About Yourself

  One of the most important decisions you will ever make in life is how you feel about yourself. Of course, we don’t usually think of this as a decision. It’s a given, just the way it is. And yet, I want to suggest it is a decision and one with far reaching consequences. How […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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The Little Things That Make a Big Difference-Caring Days

The Little Things That Make a Big Difference-Caring Days

(https://www.woodenearth.com/collections/wood-trays) In my last article I talked about how we respond to one another’s bids. Do we turn toward, away, or against? As we learn to turn towards our partners, we’re putting deposits into their love accounts. Closely related is an idea called “Caring Days” which is a way to build friendship by restoring feelings […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Do Your Turn Towards, Away, or Against Your Partner/Others

Do Your Turn Towards, Away, or Against Your Partner/Others

In the past, I’ve talked about the Gottman labs where couples come and stay for a weekend. Marriage researchers record all of their interactions and then play them back for them and coach them in how to improve their marriages.  Well, you would think that these researchers would get a lot of boring communication. But […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Strengthen Your Relationship by Nurturing Admiration

Strengthen Your Relationship by Nurturing Admiration

In recent weeks I’ve been talking about ways to develop friendship so that positive feelings override the inevitable ups and downs of your marital relationship. In this article I want to move on to another strategy—that of strengthening your relationship by nurturing admiration. The reason this is so important is that a happy marriage is […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Happy vs. Unhappy Couples

Happy vs. Unhappy Couples

The purpose of this article is to talk about friendship in marriage. But first, I need to tell you about the research of John Gottman at the University of Washington in Seattle. Gottman may be the most respected researcher on marriage in the world. For four decades now, John and his wife Julie have studied […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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The Gift of Acceptance

The Gift of Acceptance

I’ve talked a lot about self-responsibility. In truth, it’s hard to show up in a loving way for another person if you don’t take responsibility for yourself. Otherwise, you’ll be passive and dependent or blaming and controlling, in either case believing that your wellbeing is up to someone else more than you. This mindset will […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Differences Between Men and Women

Differences Between Men and Women

In this article, I talk about differences between men and women. The purpose is to help you develop more understanding and even appreciation of your partner. So much conflict and alienation couples experience comes from misunderstanding our partner’s intent. Much of this can be reduced as we recognize gender differences. Although there are so many […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Happiness in Marriage

Happiness in Marriage

Happiness in Marriage Did you know that over 96% of all people will marry or come together as a couple during their lifetimes? The fact is, we don’t like being alone. We want to find a partner and settle into a life with someone with whom we can share our life experiences. Furthermore, according to […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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