Empowering people to make strengthening choices
Recurring arguments in relationships Most couples don’t argue about what they think they’re arguing about. On the surface, the conflict might be about money, parenting, sex, chores, or time. But beneath the content of the argument is usually something more personal—and more vulnerable. When couples miss this deeper layer, conflict becomes repetitive, exhausting, and confusing. […]
Most couples think conflict goes wrong because someone gets angry, defensive, or refuses to listen. But the bigger problem is usually that they move to solutions before creating enough safety and understanding for resolution to occur. Healthy couples resolve conflict differently. They follow a sequence, not perfectly but intentionally. And that sequence makes a huge […]
In a previous article, I introduced a four-phase process for resolving conflict in marriage and other relationships. Here is a quick review of those phases. The first phase is preparation in which you put yourself in the mental state to step up to conflict in a helpful way. Phase two is invitation in which you […]
Resistance is common, whether at home or work. You propose an idea and someone pushes back. It’s a good idea, even in their best self-interest and yet they resist. It’s easy to get frustrated and end up entangled in a power struggle that demoralizes everyone and harms the relationship. So, what do you do? Here’s […]
If I’m really honest with myself I feel pretty dismayed by the political debate in the country (USA) today. We have become so polarized and tribal, even in our local communities, that we can’t carry on a sincere conversation without people being offended and either shutting down or attacking those with differing opinions. How unfortunate […]
If you’ve been following me the last few weeks, you’re aware that I teach four phases in resolving conflict: Preparation, Invitation, Exploration, and Collaboration. Last week I wrote about the first two phases and this week I want to explain the last two phases. Phase III: Exploration-The Heart of Resolving Conflict Exploration is exploring the […]
We don’t like conflict and we’re often not good at handling it. As I’ve shared in recent blog posts, some people impose their will on others. Some withdraw and give in. And others avoid it altogether. The consequence is that sensitive issues go unresolved and our relationships suffer. In my last article, I talked about […]
Conflict is inevitable. No surprise. The question is how we resolve conflict. The most emotionally intelligent people in any field or walk of life understand conflict management. They don’t deal with conflict management by retreating or sweeping it under the rug, nor by coming off as aggressive and imposing their will on others. They learn […]
