Whether you consider your marriage strong or weak, you can only benefit from strengthening it.  Yesterday  you did a self-assessment.  Now let’s take a look at the triad that is your marriage – you, your partner, and the unique team that the two of you form together.   Let’s begin with a little quiz.  You can invite your partner to take the quiz as well if both of you are working on self actualization, but don’t show each other the results.Just respond to these statements with True, False, or Sort of.

1. Sometimes when I think about the years ahead with my partner, it makes me feel anxious or depressed.
2. I know lots of couples that have a better relationship than we have.
3. We stay together for the kids.
4. If I knew what I know now, I would still choose to spend my life with my partner.
5. When life gets tough, it’s my partner and me against the world.  As long as we stick together, we can get through about anything.
6. When I experience a tragedy or major disappointment, my partner is the one I turn to.
7. I allow my partner to see some of the most unattractive things about me.
8. When my partner isn’t where I expected him or her to be, I feel a little suspicious.
9. Even if I make a major mistake, I know my partner will support me through it.
10. When I’m tempted to do something stupid, I think about how it would hurt my partner and I resist.
11. Sometimes, with just a look or a word, I know exactly what my partner is thinking.
12. I can make the most innocent statement and my partner will flip out like I’d said something terrible.
13. My partner doesn’t know how I feel about most things, and I wouldn’t know how to explain it.
14. I don’t know what my partner thinks about me anymore.
15. If my partner took the quiz from the previous two blogs, I could pretty much anticipate how he or she would answer most of the questions.
16. My partner and I have a pretty similar idea of where we want to be in ten years.
17. If I were suddenly struck by a disability or debilitating illness, I have no doubt my partner would stand by me.
18. If my partner caused us to lose everything financially, I would support him or her through it.
19. I expect to be with my partner “till death do us part.”
20. I tend to think of myself and my partner as a single unit.
21. I can’t remember the last time my partner and I spent quality time together, just the two of us.
22. Even the most boring tasks are usually more tolerable if my partner and I do them together.
23. My partner gets my sense of humor.
24. Often when I’m doing something I enjoy, my partner manages to ruin it for me just by being him- or herself.
25. I feel a sense of real anticipation when I look forward to plans my partner and I have together.
26. I do everything around here; my life would be so much better if my partner would help pick up the slack.
27. My partner has it so easy compared to what I deal with.
28. I feel like my partner has expectations of me based only on tradition; it has nothing to do with our strengths and weaknesses.
29. By the end of the day, I’m completely used up.  I just have no energy left to be intimate with my partner and he or she just doesn’t understand that.
30. My partner and I complement each other – we are each responsible for tasks that match our strengths and interests.

You can see why I suggested not sharing this with your partner; some of these statements may touch on some sensitive areas.  To achieve self actualization, you have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone, but it’s important to address potential issues is a positive, compassionate way.   For now, think about what your responses might have revealed to you.  Tomorrow, we’ll evaluate your responses to this quiz in more detail, and then we’ll talk about what you can do to bring your responses more in line with the ideal responses.

Roger K. Allen, Ph.D. is an expert in personal transformation, leadership, and teams. His tools and methods have helped hundreds of businesses and tens of thousands of people transform the ways they work and live. To learn more, visit www.rogerkallen.com.