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marriage

Empowering people to make strengthening choices

Vulnerable Listening

Vulnerable Listening

Vulnerable Listening In my last article, I talked about the importance of being vulnerable in your communication. Being vulnerable is a willingness to own and communicate your thoughts, feelings, needs and wants in a clear and yet non-dogmatic or blaming way. It’s communicating in a way that allows you to assert yourself while also showing […]

By rogerkallen


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Being Vulnerable in Marriage

Being Vulnerable in Marriage

In my last post, I talked about four different styles of communication: dominating, accommodating, avoiding, and collaborating. Collaborating means that you’re honest about your own thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. You’re also willing to show empathy for your partner’s thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants. This is the healthiest of the communication styles and becomes particularly […]

By rogerkallen


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How to Increase Play and Recreation in Marriage

How to Increase Play and Recreation in Marriage

  A big strategy that gets at the heart of building positive feelings and friendship in your relationship with your partner is play and recreation. By this I mean doing activities that are fun and which you can do together. Number One Factor in Marital Happiness Marriage researchers at the University of Denver did a […]

By rogerkallen


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The Little Things That Make a Big Difference-Caring Days

The Little Things That Make a Big Difference-Caring Days

Photo by Toa Heftiba on Unsplash In my last article I talked about how we respond to one another’s bids. Do we turn toward, away, or against? As we learn to turn towards our partners, we’re putting deposits into their love accounts. Closely related is an idea called “Caring Days” which is a way to […]

By rogerkallen


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Do Your Turn Towards, Away, or Against Your Partner/Others

Do Your Turn Towards, Away, or Against Your Partner/Others

In the past, I’ve talked about the Gottman labs where couples come and stay for a weekend. Marriage researchers record all of their interactions and then play them back for them and coach them in how to improve their marriages.  Well, you would think that these researchers would get a lot of boring communication. But […]

By rogerkallen


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Strengthen Your Relationship by Nurturing Admiration

Strengthen Your Relationship by Nurturing Admiration

In recent weeks I’ve been talking about ways to develop friendship so that positive feelings override the inevitable ups and downs of your marital relationship. In this article I want to move on to another strategy—that of strengthening your relationship by nurturing admiration. The reason this is so important is that a happy marriage is […]

By rogerkallen


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Friendship in Marriage

Friendship in Marriage

Happy vs. Unhappy Couples The purpose of this article is to talk about friendship in marriage. But first, I need to tell you about the research of John Gottman at the University of Washington in Seattle. Gottman may be the most respected researcher on marriage in the world. For four decades now, John and his […]

By rogerkallen


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I-It vs. I-Thou: Do You See Your Spouse as a Person or Object?

I-It vs. I-Thou: Do You See Your Spouse as a Person or Object?

Two Ways of Being A philosopher by the name of Martin Buber said that we can come from one of two orientations or ways of being in our relationships with others. He called them I-It vs. I-Thou. Whichever orientation we adopt has huge implications in marriage as well as any and all of our relationships. […]

By rogerkallen


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