communication

Empowering people to make strengthening choices

Before You Speak: Are You Ready for a Difficult Conversation?

Before You Speak: Are You Ready for a Difficult Conversation?

You have replayed the conversation in your mind all morning. You know what the other person did. You know why it was wrong. And you know exactly what you want to say. By the time you finally speak, you are carrying hours—perhaps days—of frustration into the conversation. “I’ve been thinking about what happened,” you begin, […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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The Feedback Wheel: Turn Complaints into Solutions

The Feedback Wheel: Turn Complaints into Solutions

A hallmark of Mature Love is the ability of two partners to share their deeper thoughts, feelings, and needs—and to make room for their partner to do the same. And yet, it is remarkably easy to fall into a negative pattern of interacting by arguing, defending, controlling, accommodating, or avoiding. These styles can feel protective […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Emotional Triggers in Relationships: What They’re Really Telling You

Emotional Triggers in Relationships: What They’re Really Telling You

Most conflict doesn’t begin with the present moment. In fact, most emotional triggers in relationships begin with something from your past. A look, a tone, a comment that seems small on the surface—and suddenly your body reacts before your mind can catch up. Your heart races. Your chest tightens. Words come out sharper than you […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Why Listening is Harder Than We Think (and How to Be a Better Listener)

Why Listening is Harder Than We Think (and How to Be a Better Listener)

Most people believe they’re good listeners. They make eye contact, stay quiet, nod, and wait their turn. And yet, many conversations still leave people feeling unseen, misunderstood, or subtly dismissed. Learning how to be a better listener is often harder than we expect. The problem usually isn’t desire, but what’s happening internally while we listen. […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Emotional Distance: Why It Happens—and How to Rebuild Connection

Emotional Distance: Why It Happens—and How to Rebuild Connection

  Emotional distance is one of the most common challenges in long-term relationships, particularly marriage. Although it can show up in any relationship, it often shows up most often in intimate relationships, where vulnerability is naturally higher. Yet it rarely arrives with a bang. It creeps in almost imperceptibly as you go about the business […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Why Trying to Change Our Partner Almost Never Works

Why Trying to Change Our Partner Almost Never Works

The temptation to fix When relationships feel strained, most of us default to the same strategy: figure out what the other person is doing wrong—and try to get them to change. We offer advice they didn’t ask for. We repeat ourselves more forcefully. We explain our position again, hoping clarity will finally land. Or we […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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One Year; Two Stories: A Couple Reflects

One Year; Two Stories: A Couple Reflects

In my last post, I posed some questions to ponder at the end of this year. Here is the story of a couple who faced these questions together. It was the evening of December 30th when Jack lit the last candle on the dining table. Emily laughed softly—only Jack would try to make a year-end […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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A Quiet Thanksgiving Tradition

A Quiet Thanksgiving Tradition

This is the week of Thanksgiving throughout the Americas, a holiday built around gratitude. We gather with family and friends, share a meal, and—often in a circle before dinner—take turns saying what we’re grateful for. It’s a pleasant ritual, but it can also be quick and sometimes superficial. Many of us mention blessings like health, […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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