Personal Growth

Empowering people to make strengthening choices

Why Trying to Change Our Partner Almost Never Works

Why Trying to Change Our Partner Almost Never Works

The temptation to fix When relationships feel strained, most of us default to the same strategy: figure out what the other person is doing wrong—and try to get them to change. We offer advice they didn’t ask for. We repeat ourselves more forcefully. We explain our position again, hoping clarity will finally land. Or we […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Self-Responsibility: The Skill That Changes Every Relationship

Self-Responsibility: The Skill That Changes Every Relationship

When the problem feels like it lives “over there” Most relationship trouble doesn’t begin with cruelty or bad intentions. It begins with a familiar, almost invisible conviction that the problem is over there. Perhaps we feel misunderstood. Unappreciated. Disrespected. Something in us stiffens, and before we know it, our energy shifts toward defending, correcting, or […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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One Year; Two Stories: A Couple Reflects

One Year; Two Stories: A Couple Reflects

In my last post, I posed some questions to ponder at the end of this year. Here is the story of a couple who faced these questions together. It was the evening of December 30th when Jack lit the last candle on the dining table. Emily laughed softly—only Jack would try to make a year-end […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Who Have I Become This Past Year?

Who Have I Become This Past Year?

As we approach the close of another year, I find myself asking more than the question, “Where did the time go?” I’m asking something deeper: What have I learned? Who have I become? How am I different today than I was 365 days ago? Of course, it is so easy to notice the passage of […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Finding Meaning, Grace, and Connection in the Holiday Season

Finding Meaning, Grace, and Connection in the Holiday Season

As the holidays approach, I find myself reflecting on why this season matters so much to me. It’s not simply the decorations or traditions—although I enjoy these. It’s something quieter, deeper, more human. The holidays invite us to pause. To breathe. To remember who and what matters most. And perhaps, most importantly, to reconnect with […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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How to Find Peace in a Stressful World

How to Find Peace in a Stressful World

“It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.”  Anthony de Mello I think you would agree that we live in an increasingly stressful world in which the uncertainties of life never seem to let up. As if the challenges of day-to-day living were not enough, many of us are dealing with […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Grief vs. Drama

Grief vs. Drama

We all experience negative emotion. It is a natural part of life. Not only would our lives be boring without the ups and downs of our emotions, but negative emotions are how we learn and grow and become better, stronger human beings. Think about this. Without experiences that trigger such feelings as fear, hurt, loneliness, […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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Let Yourself Feel Sad: A Path to Healing from Depression

Let Yourself Feel Sad: A Path to Healing from Depression

Most of us try to avoid sadness. When we feel low or down, we distract ourselves or push those feelings away. But neuroscience shows that allowing yourself to feel sadness—rather than avoiding it—can actually support your recovery from depression and negative moods. This process is crucial when healing from depression. The Science Behind Feeling Your […]

By Roger K. Allen, Ph.D.


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